Thursday, August 19, 2010

Praising Others Makes You Stand Out

Chris Brogan wrote on his blog about his friend Suzanne Vara. He dedicated a whole post to praising what a great person she it to hang around. I am sure Chris knows a lot of people, but the reason he gave her such a public pat on the back is because she's a person who talks positively about other people.

Seems funny that such a widely read blogger as Chris Brogan would dedicate a whole post highlighting a person who "has so many good things to share about others". But in our society this is more the exception than the rule.

Who do you know in your life who talks others up instead of talking people down? Do you praise them? I think you should. Write about them on your blog, Facebook, or Twitter. Or send them a private note telling them you admire how they find the best in others.

I left the following comment on Chris's blog post:

While I do not know Suzanne, she sounds amazing in heart and soul.

I do find it sad in our society that we must call out those people who "talk about others ceaselessly in the best sense....... It’s refreshing to hear someone have so many good things to share about others." I wish all people just did this naturally.

I once heard a psychologist (can't recall who) say "the formula for a happy marriage was five positive comments toward your spouse for every one negative comment". This goes beyond marriage, and effects all relationships. People who say negative stuff in business relationships sometimes balance their words with one positive... but negative comments sting more than good things please.... so that "always going positive thing" makes one stand out as spectacular (like your friend Suzanne Vara).

If people read this far in the comments I hope they will accept the challenge to mirror her and talk people up all the time. They will stand out from the crowd and warrant this type of tribute someday!

I find it interesting that those who are always critical of others are the same ones who question why certain individuals are successful. I wonder if you can trace the "praise others quotient" directly to success levels? I bet you can!

Have A Great Day.

thom

4 comments:

Chris Brogan said...

My point, I guess, is that often, we praise our customers, or we praise other people who are considered peers, but we often forget to praise the glue. Suzanne is definitely the glue of communities like mine. People like her exist everywhere and rarely get the poster position.

Thom Singer said...

Chris... I like that you praised her as the "glue". I think we all need to do more of this (what she and you both do regularly!).

But your point that "we" praise peers and customers is not really true. I find many people praise nobody. Many people only praise themselves. When I read blogs and other social media I am often shocked how people forget to EVER thank those who help them succeed or just are that "glue" you speak of in your comment.

Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment!

thom

Suzanne Vara said...

Thom

Thank you for dedicating a blog post about Chris' post. It is hard for me to wrap my arms around folks who do not praise others. I have touched upon this in a blog post where there was a moment with my younger sister when she won the best cheerleader for the state in NJ many years ago and when I heard her name and saw her jump up and the pure joy I knew at that moment that for me the real meaning of happiness is being happier for others in their accomplishments than you are for yourself.

For me praising others is so much easier than talking about me and my successes. I cannot deny the smile that came across my face when friends commented on Chris' post and spoke highly of me but at the same time it reminded me of how great they are and how much they mean to me.

It makes me happy to be happier for others and I am for myself and it is the way that I live. My close personal friends know that I will jump up and down with them and for them in excitement, I will cry with them in bad times and will also give them a lil pep talk to get the smile back on their face ... the online word is learning.

Thank you so much for commenting on Chris' post as well as writing your own. This is all so overwhelming for me.

Terry said...

Thom I agree with you, I find people criticize more, are quicker to criticize, and give praise or thanks less. With all of the social media options we seem to be less civil. From TV political or financial roundtables to tweets, blogs and texts the objective seems to be to point out faults, talk over the other people, and be louder.

Maybe the lack of frequency makes the praise feel a little better and standout more. It is nice to hear about people that raise the bar. We need more Suzanne’s (and Thom’s and Chris’).

Regards,

Terry